up for today’s tongue lashing is the UCWhy. crankpunk likes a little treat before bed with his coco but unfortunately there will be none for some time – possibly months – because the UCI has taken all the biscuits! the crafty cookie-snafflers!

first of all we had the venerable prez of the body that represents (allegedly) world cycling stating the other day that the UCI hadn’t been resting on its decaying laurels and in fact it really had been busy in recent months. he then produced a backdated ‘to do’ list which quite clearly proved that fact:

1. buy marshmallows

2. clean ears

3. watch steam coming from kettle

4. become a better human being

5. f**king ignore 4.

6. fill in 7-10 later

7.

8.

9.

1o.

11. do something somehow someday about that stuff, uh, dammit, and find out how to get this crap to go away

12. ……..

13. ! buy large broom and massive f**king carpet

so what have the UCI been up to now? well, if you remember, a few months they announced that they would setting up an ‘independent’ commission (!) to investigate their links to LA, then decide hmmm that wasn’t really such a great idea, with Pat saying this:

“I am sorry that it has to be abandoned but we could not afford the money that we wanted to spend on it.”

oh.

ok then.

then he announced that ‘in June’ he would be setting up another independent commission to look at the LA ties and at the UCI’s finances. now it seems it is finally happening, next week in Russia, when the UCI and, thankfully, WADA will meet to decide who will sit on the 3-member panel. now, let me not be hasty and start doubting the integrity of a panel that is at least half-approved by the very body it is supposed to be investigating – it could be that the panel does a great and thorough job and we finally get to the bottom of this.

but then, going off past history… well, let’s just say that even if you are in possession of a full tank of high-grade oxygen, i would still advise you don’t hold that breath.

when the UCI pulled that previous panel, USADA leader Travis Tygart wearily noted that “they [the UCI] disbanded the independent commission that was set up at the very time it began to actually act independent.” we need this, so badly. and it has to be done right. it can’t be another UCI fudge-job.

Tygart summed up the feelings of many, when he spoke the other day: “We have seen nothing. It has been over seven months since our report and their declaration that they needed to take decisive action. So, of course, we are frustrated.”

indeed.

they really are treating us like idiots, it is incredible. and this is just a sporting body. i mean, imagine if our government was like this? oh, wait…

now, Pat just had an opinion piece in CyclingSnooze, in which he went on about all the great work the UCI was doing, quoting from a survey conducted for the UCI by Deloitte which praised the UCI’s day-to-day relations with the cycling world, but noted himself that:

____

‘The executive summary makes six ‘crucial’ recommendations to enable cycling to achieve its ‘bright future’:

• We must restore the credibility of cycling and the public perception of the sport;
• A decision needs to be made quickly whether to hold an independent inquiry into the Armstrong affair and whether to offer riders an ‘amnesty’ or reduced sanctions for coming forward to that enquiry;
• The UCI needs to develop a long-term strategic plan for cycling;
• We should further strengthen the anti-doping culture that already exists in the UCI;
• We need to improve our relationship with WADA; and
• We need to restructure the pro-cycling calendar.

The report summary also makes five additional ‘high-priority’ recommendations. They are:

• To increase the independence of the Cycling Anti-Doping Foundation (CADF);
• To appoint an independent anti-doping body to sanction professional riders caught doping;
• To review the existing points system for pro-teams;
• To focus on developing women’s cycling;
• To improve our communication with professional road riders.

____

now, is it just me, or shouldn’t the first half of these be the UCI’s job in the first place? and, erm, shouldn’t the second half too?

so, Pat, let me get this right, the UCI is doing great! but not in fact doing any of the things that it should be doing… great work amigo, keep it up!

you know, if i had a report card like that from my job, i’d be out on my ass. seriously…

he ended his opinion piece by saying this:

‘Cycling has an extremely bright future.’

*NOTICE – i don;t know why certain words are linked, i didn’t do it but can’t stop it. that sucks, apologies.