{"id":1934,"date":"2013-05-13T05:44:07","date_gmt":"2013-05-13T05:44:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/crankpunk.com\/?p=1934"},"modified":"2013-05-13T06:06:24","modified_gmt":"2013-05-13T06:06:24","slug":"one-slightly-dogeared-fuentes-up-for-sale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crankpunk.com\/ja\/2013\/05\/13\/one-slightly-dogeared-fuentes-up-for-sale\/","title":{"rendered":"one slightly dogeared Fuentes, up for sale"},"content":{"rendered":"

‘is there a doctor in the house?!’<\/p>\n

‘maybe… how much you got in your wallet?’<\/p>\n

‘… what do you mean?’<\/p>\n

‘sliding scale. $500 for a Heimlich, $750 for a birth, $999 for a circumcision – which i can do blindfolded for an extra $25 – and $20,000 for a bag of fresh blood. what’s your dog’s name?’<\/p>\n

‘eh?’<\/p>\n

‘it’s the code. what are you, an amateur? and if you are, by the by, i can do a discount.’<\/p>\n

‘code for what?’<\/p>\n

‘your bag of blood. don’t worry, no one will EVER work out that <\/em>bit of genius code…’<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

so, Fuentes is up for sale.<\/a><\/p>\n

the description from the estate agent reads:<\/p>\n

‘a detached property with all mod cons. in fact, the whole property is a con. well-thatched and with a well stocked refrigerator, the Fuentes residence has several closets that are jam-packed with skeletons of various sizes, one containing a full football team (rhymes with ‘Farcelona’), another a pretty famous tennis player, yet another with several Olympians stacked up. whilst there’s no pool there is a large centrifuge that doubles as a jacuzzi. very ‘rustic’ and a great project for the DIY enthusiast.’<\/p>\n

\"Dr.<\/a>
Dr. Eufemiano Fuentes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

what a thoroughly disagreeable little fellow he seems, doping folk for cash and now offering up his little bag of secrets for the highest bidder. still, the world needs to know.<\/p>\n

how about we use the Paul Kimmage fund (which, it appears, has gone missing<\/a>) to pay the Doc? i can’t find it yet but i am sure there is some way to justify it…<\/p>\n

ugh. the world. you know what i mean?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘is there a doctor in the house?!’ ‘maybe… how much you got in your wallet?’ ‘… what do you mean?’ ‘sliding scale. $500 for a Heimlich, $750 for a birth, $999 for a circumcision – which i can do blindfolded for an extra $25 – and $20,000 for a bag of fresh blood. what’s your dog’s name?’ ‘eh?’ ‘it’s the code. what are you, an amateur? and if you are, by the by, i can do a discount.’ ‘code for what?’ ‘your bag of blood. don’t worry, no one will EVER work out that bit of genius code…’ … so, Fuentes is up for sale. the description from the estate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40955418,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","wpupg_custom_link":[],"wpupg_custom_link_behaviour":[],"wpupg_custom_link_nofollow":[],"wpupg_custom_image":[],"wpupg_custom_image_id":[],"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[119818829],"tags":[1528556,92788,11567425,168279434,38147],"class_list":["post-1934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dopepunk","tag-blood-doping","tag-cash","tag-dr-fuentes","tag-operacion-ouerto","tag-scandal"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t