Category: random stuff

crankpunk’s first proper bike features on GCN

Well it’s not actually my bike, it’s Stephen Roche’s, but it is exactly the same, down to the groupset and even the saddle, that I had when I was 17 – my first proper, proper bike. Every penny of pocket money I had went into this machine. That I sold it for 400 quid to my mate’s little brother a few years after i quit cycling at 18 breaks my heart even now, but there you have it.

I’ll never forgive myself.

Screen Shot 2015-01-18 at 18.14.15

Ain’t she a beauty? And after you’ve watched the video you can read my article on Old Bikes vs. New, and on why Stephen let me down.



Balls Out: naked cyclist fined for not wearing a helmet


Screen Shot 2014-12-18 at 11.04.19

well, this certainly brings new meaning to that phrase.

wonder if he was on the rivet?

ah the pedantry of The Law. some dude in New Zealand is caught under the influence of alcohol and naked, whilst riding a bike. and is charge not with indecent exposure but with riding without a helmet.

reminds me of the English couple having sex on a packed train whilst all the other passengers pretend nothing is happening. when the couple had finished their tryst and lit up cigarettes, however, a gent looks over and says ‘Excuse me, but this is a no smoking car.’

reminded me also of the Swedish guy who was caught having sex with a bike. he punctures the tyre than er, takes care of himself. i told this story to a bike buddy of mine last week and he didn’t believe me. here is the video evidence:

back to the naked NZ guy. not sure if didn’t get busted for indecency on the grounds that the cops just couldn’t be bothered or if it was just too cold for the biker to actually offend anyone:

‘Timaru police Senior Sergeant Randel Tikitiki told that the man was not charged for indecent exposure because that would “depend on what could be seen.”‘


cycling posters! thanks Liz!

what a find, and thanks to Liz Newbery for this.

a bicycle posters page on FB. one of the best things i’ve seen on FB, in all honesty!

that’s the great, truly great thing about the bike – it just makes you smile, and there’s plenty in these beauties to smile about.


crankpunk to take up triathlon… but could i pull off a belly top and speedos?


i woke up this morning with the strangest desire careening around my loins, stranger than that time i almost got arrested for taking single bites out of a a good 7 or 8 dried sea sponges all those years ago in Boots pharmacy on Norwich High Street.

yes, it is – turn away now if you are squeamish – THE DESIRE TO DO A TRIATHLON.

my head is so full of questions.

1. can i get treatment for this? is electrotherapy a real option still these days or would it be easier if i just black up and walk up to an American cop?

2. do Speedo still make speedos, or have they been banned by the Obama government? #obamabansspeedoscosheisaterrorist




3. will i have to unlearn the art of cornering, braking, going uphill and riding in a bunch of more than one?

4. will i really lose all of my friends?

5. where can i buy a brick?


6. will i have to tape 55 assorted gels on my top tube every time i ride? even to the shop? is it REALLY more aero than a friggin’ pocket?


7. is it true that i’ll have to wear the bellytop/speedo/compression sock combo uniform at ALL TIMES even whilst sleeping?

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he was later DQd for not wearing compression socks

8. can i really get my number burned into my skin? #trinumberburntintoskinisCOOL

9. do i really have to wear iridium glasses with the iridium on the inside too?

10. will i really have to lose my sense of humor?

…so many, many questions…

cycling: the new aphrodisiac?

by crankpunk

all the possible titles i could have gone for on this post, they were just too lewd, but one thing is for sure, this kid has a hard on for cycling.

or, wait – because of cycling?

anyway, for this 22-year old cyclist, a mishap with his handlebar resulted in irregular blood flow to his old boy and a month of day-long morning glory.

that’s right, a 24 hour, 4 week erection that must have put his mother’s cushion collection to good use.

reading the article on the Irish Examiner website, i couldn’t help but wonder if he was still getting out on the bike. fortunately he’s a mountain biker, so i guess the baggy shorts are better than lycra in such a situation.

the Examiner, a paper i think i’ll have to check out more often, started out with this:

“What goes up must come down — unless you’re a mountain biker whose pecker stays erect for so long that medical intervention is necessary. After a month of gravity-defying behaviour, the offending organ was finally laid to rest at Tallaght Hospital in Dublin.”


seems all fine now though, so it was a happy ending in the end… boom boom!

thanks to Ryan Laughton for sending me this!


London to get cycling superhighway?

by cp


damn, how amazing would this be? and how wet, for about 70% of the year? where’s the roof?!

seriously though, this project, called ‘SkyCycle’ and designed by architect and bike geek Norman Foster, actually has the backing of the UK’s Network Rail and Transport for London. ingeniously, the pathway would be “hoisted aloft above railway lines, allowing you to zip through town blissfully liberated from the roads.”

sounds fantastic. interestingly enough, there was a precedent, back in the 1890’s in California, though the elevated platforms that were built soon fell into disrepair once the auto industry established its hold on the American imagination.

California dreaming

California dreaming

seems we’ve come full circle in the past 120 years. now is the time for the SkyCycle – let’s hope it comes true.

read the full article on this in The Guardian.